Debut into Bodybuilding Competition--Figure Division

So.....for those who did not know, and many of you probably did not, I have been training to become a bodybuilder for the last 10 months. Well, I had 3 birthday cakes and a cruise somewhere in there, so actually...I have been training HARD with competing as my intent for the last 5 months. Stop laughing. I am serious. When I say "bodybuilder", you are all thinking of the big androgynous man-ladies. No, not that. Let me give you a little primer (and I am by no means the expert. I am learning as I go along!): The sport of bodybuilding actually has several divisions. The division for which I have been training and will continue to compete in is the "figure" division. It is 2 steps down from the big, muscular ladies that first come to mind when you think of the sport. I admire those ladies a great deal, but do not think that I have the body or the desire for that level of muscle. The next tier "down" if you will, is the physique division. These ladies have a little less muscle than the builders, but are still quite packed. Maybe I could do this with a lot more beef in my diet! My division is "figure". We are muscular, but a bit curvier. Symmetry, proportion and muscular definition (not necessarily bulk) win in this category. 

Well, you might ask...why in the world would you ever want to be a bodybuilder?

  I have always admired the human body, the shape, the form, the strength. The human physique has always amazed me. I am especially intrigued by pushing that body to it's limits. I am a fan of sport--never been what one would call an athlete because in my early and mid-formative years (and still in some degree), my world exists in compartments. If you are an athlete, then that is your "thing". If you are a scholar, then that is your "thing". I tried my hand at track in high school and soccer in college, but participation in sport was never my "thing". I was glued to the books, beacause THAT is what was going to lead to my success. In med school, I picked up weight lifting and running as hobbies for stress relief and got pretty buffed. I then realized that my body could look kinda like those fitness girls in the magazines with a little effort. During my second year of residency, right before the wedding, I committed to training a little harder. I invested in a "MUSCLE NOW" manual and got to work. I then realized how important diet was in conditioning and physique training. So, one happy marriage and two kids later my body looked a little different--not bad, but well, different. So, I wanted to get it right. In walks Yanick, my co-dreaded fit diva nurse friend who tells me about this fantastic trainer....and well, the rest is history. Now, my world of compartments is blown up! I am scholar, athlete, mother, wife, etc. and love it all! My athletic goals now make me more focused in other areas of my life. It's a win, win, win.....

It's funny that it sounds so dramatic, because it isn't, but in my mind it is...because I've had this crazy dream all this time and it's finally coming true!

 I have an awesome team: Jeffrey, who does everything for the kids when I am training and never complains--even when that training is twice daily for several hours a day. Plus, he grills my food every weekend, no matter what else he has to do, puts up with my carb-and sleep depletion-induced moods , my exhaustion, my forgetfulness...   Mom, who does everything for Jeffrey AND the kids, well, all the time, but especially when I am training. Myles and Donovan, who are happy to see that mommy is "strong" and encourage me to keep on going. Renee Pillow the coolest, unflappable, most serious, and craziest trainer.."well, don't eat then...just go to bed!" Shondria, my run bleachers, run forests, co-mom and career, do whatever it takes training pahtnah and now, great friend. Waychaun "luvbeinfit" Williams, my other crazy training pahtnah...and all the folk who have encourgaed me to pursue this crazy dream that I've had for all these years.

This post is for y'all!

My first competition was yesterday and brought on a host of emotions--anticipation, uncertainty, paralyzing fear, excitement, and outright giddiness--all rapidly dialing in within a few seconds of each other throughout the day. It was all just so amazing. The pictures show some of the moments. There are a ton more pics to post and I will get around to it, but here they are to start.
By the way, I type this while I am enjoying some post-competition cheat food: peach cobbler and ice cream!!!  In most of the lineup photos, I am 3rd from the left. The bottom photos are of lunchtime with the family on competition day, my LAST workout before the comp, and trying on my suit at home the day before. Enjoy!

By the way, I placed 3rd in my height class! So happy!

i want a religion

i want a religion
that reverences GOD
above it's own
rules
traditions
dogma
that changes lives
that changes everything
that respects the ancestors'
wisdom and guidance
without fear of spiritual poison

i want a religion
that is as humble
as it's precepts
that is passionate
for mankind as a whole
not just it's followers

i want a religion
that frees
it's participants and it's leaders
to worship creation:
trees, sun, moon, stars
the heart of the human soul
to dance freely
basking, relishing in the love
of the universe

i want a religion
that opens the mind
of those who dare to believe
that it is well with the soul
to not know
to seek
to find (or not)
to admit uncertainty
to agree
to change

space and consideration

I am fearful. Fearful and somewhat skeptical. I borrow these words from one of my co-workers, who, at a weekend retreat planned for maximizing our potential as a group, admitted openly and freely, his feeling regarding the gathering. It was a telling moment...a meaningful moment. It was telling because we were all quiet and likely thinking the same thing, but no one spoke in support of this feeling. It was meaningful because although many of us in the room felt the same way, we had not the bravery to say it. I am currently embarking on a path to complete honesty and this was a striking window into how one can truly just lay it all out there....no matter the consequences.

My path to complete honesty is bourne through my desire to live each day to the fullest and with zero regret. At the end of my life, I don't want to sit back and think of all the things I should've done or said, but didn't or think of all the things I shouldn't have done or said, but did just to save face. I have avoided confrontation, grinned and beared, and said yes when I really wanted to say no. I have followed the faces of questioners to check if my reply was acceptable, sought approval and half-answered, nodded when I wanted to say "hell no", and played it safe too many times. I have opinions, thoughts, answers, and dreams that nobody will want to hear or agree with and some that many people will find odd. I have ideas, notions, and beliefs that will seem to counter what many know of me. I know a lot of stuff. I am clueless about so much more. I have poems, stories, and songs that many will love. Some will not agree with, dislike, or find error in my reasoning. Some will not enjoy my work. Some will be confused by my musings. I don't care.

I deserve space and consideration.

I do approach this new venue for my thoughts with some fear and skepticism. I would much rather cradle a worn leather notebook and scribble my thoughts onto yellow linen pages--the dark ink soaking into the fiber and resulting in a real, organic creation. So, I will continue such work, but am adding this to my nucleus of creation, a cadre of sorts which will add to my creative work.

I welcome comment and discussion on anything that I post. I believe that without open communication, we cannot truly understand one another. I am most hurt when I am misunderstood, so I strive to understand others in their contexts and by examining my own biases and judgements. I desire to be a student of all that life has taught those placed in my life. But, I can only learn what I don't know if I am an open vessel. So, I stand open, ready to pour and be poured into....but I am not accepting dogma without discussioon. Check it at the door or come ready to explore.